Archive for March, 2009

Zombie Defense Station Prototype is here!

Tuesday, March 31st, 2009

In the event of a catastrophic rising of the undead, zombies, Naegleria infected criminally insane, or even reanimated deer, it’s imperative that your home be protected. You can protect your home with style and class by building your own emergency zombie defense station.

A simple offensive kit consists of a primary weapon, an ammunitionless weapon, and a few other provisions. John Lucas at Craftster has created an excellent mockup of such a kit. While he uses non sharpened implements and non-live ammuntion, I highly suggest building a fully-functional kit of your own.

The kit consists of an pump action shotgun, shells, large knife and a plexiglass shield. Note also the high quality instructions included with the kit. In preparing a kit of your own, it is suggested that you leave the shotgun fully loaded and maintain extra shells in an easy to use bandolier. There is no point of keeping an anti-zombie weapon on your person or premises if it’s not going to be loaded. Zombies don’t wait for you to reload while they chew on your collarbone.

This kit funcitons best as a stand alone offensive solution. Its best tacitical placement would be near obvious weak zones in your home, such as entries, near large windows, or in cramped locations. An excellent place for such a kit as this would also be an upstairs window, or near a porch roof - shotgun blasts to the head should be sufficient enough at this elevation to cause complete destruction of the cerebellum and pons. You don’t want a Mike the Headless Zombie” wandering around, trying to eat things with just a throat. It’s pretty gross.

Don’t forget that you’ll still need a larger kit, and should have your whole house prepared anyway. I suggest the following:

Benelli Super 90 8 Shot Pump Action Shotgun
100 Shotgun Shells - though why limit yourself? Have at least 4 bandoliers per person.
Pikes, ninjata or other polearm - for a ranged blade attack.
Lightweight Machete or Ginsu Knife - you want something easy to swing in close quarters that will sever the spine on one blow.
Remember: a member of the undead — and a member of the living for that matter — can still function and move with just a brainstem. You want complete severing of that head! When taking a headshot, aim through the mouth and towards the back for a square, clean shot.

A new website for the cause

Sunday, March 29th, 2009

Hey everyone, Tom here.  I thought that with all the support and increasing awareness that Necroresistance has been getting, it might be time to make the jump from a boring website to something new and fantastic.  The new site offers much more than the original.  We are going to keep the world updated as to the inner workings of the Necrosistance Compound.  And no, contrary to many rumors, the Compound is not going to be officially named Boomer Ranch.

Also, I would like to make this site official by welcoming the two newest members of the cause, Alex and Clinton.  They bring to us a combined 12 years of army combat training, and will be joining us as trainers on the field.  We are also setting up a class on Left 4 Dead Tactics that they will both be attending, so stop in and say hi!

I’m going to make this short, as I have an interview tonight with a journalist from OCModshop.com to do an article on us!  It’s exciting times my friends.  Today is the day that we take one more step in the spread of awareness of the future to come.  And that we are on the right path to clean up the mess that is on its way.

Tom B.

Will condoms protect me if I’m a necrophiliac?

Friday, March 20th, 2009

When the zombie apocalypse happens, there’s going to be a lot less women around… and you gotta do what you gotta do.  Even if you do have ample females around, are they really going to be in the mood when you’re fighting for survival?

As Frank West discovered in the Dead Rising video game: zombies can sometimes be hot.  You just gotta worry about them ripping your throat out.

It’s best to do “doggie style” since that will give the zombie minimal access to bite you.  If you have to face your zombie, then tie her down.  Tie down the hands and feet, as well as the neck, so they don’t raise up and bite you.

It is unknown what exactly will cause the zombie outbreak.  Will it be a virus?  Nuclear radiation?  A meteor?  Until you know for sure, then you better use a condom to prevent as much fluid transfer as possible.  Once it is known for certain that it is not caused by any biological means (angry wizard or supervillian mind control), then you are free to unleash the beast.

Under no circumstances should you ever consider thinking about a zombie performing oral on you.  They will bite off your member almost as soon as you whip it out.  Even if they have no teeth.

Newly transformed female specimens make the best sport.  Not only are they still warm, but will still look pretty good.  They also will have more of their own natural fluids, so you won’t have to use any personal lubricant… and they won’t protest if you want some back-door action.

So, there you go.  You’re not a freak for thinking it.  Everyone in your group is thinking it.  Just be safe: in all senses of the word.  Restrain your zombie, and wrap your rascal.